When **** happens

Counting days since mid-May 2024 after returning from China to Malaysia. After resigning as senior manager. After cooking and celebrating Eid with the ex. After trying reconciliation… twice… three times. After mediation. After a lot of efforts. Today marks a solid 3.5 months away. Today also marks my 4th haid without him touching me.

**** fill in the blanks. Life.

Giving 20 years is something. Giving 20 years with disloyalty at the end is profound. Giving 20 years plus learning  his cultures, giving birth to his 2 children and learning his language, his food and then being served with some mannerless sil and more heartlessness by him… that is the nail in the coffin. Let’s not remind myself of the bad but of the good. The good which affected from this relationship for both parties. It made me stronger. Alhamdulillah. 

It also made me question what a husband is anyway? Not who but what.

If a husband behaves like a lord

Serves you more work

Serves you criticism 

Uses unkind words

Doesn’t care less

Even after you have done a full days work, earning and bringing income for the family

…… really……

Then no woman needs a husband.

A woman needs a husband for 2 things really i.e. sex and children - once said a wise old woman. 

So what is a husband anyway?

Shouldn’t he be life’s companion

Shouldn’t he be kind

Shouldn’t he provide

Shouldn’t he care

In my mind I ceased to have one after my return from China. I remind myself that I am an independent worthy and respectable woman. No man nor woman can and will counter that.

Allahulam